the shadow proves the sunshine

welcome to denver

just arrived in Denver...
but my move is not complete until i find myself a sweet apartment to call home.

thank god richie is here to keep me sane.

"You know it's time
That we grow old and do some shit
I like it all that way"

-broken social scene, lover's spit

i'm too proud for love

grey

I smoke and I drink and every time I blink I have a tiny dream.

But as bad as I am I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.

whose world is this?

it's mine

it's mine

it's mine

breaking point

someone once told me

rule #1

nicest thing

I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

All i know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
I wish that we could see if we could be something

i miss you, but i haven't met you yet..

"The meeting of two personalities is like
the contact of two chemical substances;
if there is any reaction,
both are transformed"
- Jung

come quickly, i'm drinking stars

heart kiss

moving to denver...SO SOON!

the earth laughs

be a winner

countdown to ecuador

i can't wait to see you, jackie

empty space

check out StoryPeople by Brian Andreas

job opening

yes, please!

take me far

"There is not one big cosmic meaning for all,

there is only the meaning we each give to our life."

- Anais Nin

it is what it is

feel. flow. let go.

better version of myself

nice to meet you

for kori

i love you

i feel what i feel what i feel

unless i accept my faults i will most certainly doubt my virtues.

if i truly accept my behavior i no longer see it as a fault.

both my body and my emotions were given to me and it is as futile for me to condemn myself for feeling scared, insecure, selfish, or revengeful as it is for me to get mad at myself for the size of my feet. i am not responsible for my feelings, but for what i do with them.

"you shouldn't feel that way..." AHEM, my emotions DO NOT originate in compliance with the laws of aristotelian logic. my mind cannot know what my body "ought" to be feeling. my body has every reason of its own to be feeling the way it does, and all things considered (which my mind cannot do) it couldn't be feeling any other way.

i am not interested so much in what i do with my hands or my words as what i do with my feelings. i want to live from the inside out, not from the outside in.

ciao italia

just got back from italia. amazing trip, incredible experience, lots of new friends.

when i was waiting during a layover in frankfurt, germany... a tv commercial came on that said, "the day you were born was the last day you were truly free." something to think about?

also, got to visit an old friend, the lovely mister craig cisero, who recently moved to Firenze but has now taken a more nomadic approach to his time in italy and has worked his way down to a farm in montepulciano where he will be working for food and housing. great opportunity. miss him already.

recently came to my own sort of self-discovery while traveling in italy. since having graduated, i have consistently been looking to start a career and save up money and live the american dream of "success" (while also doing so half-heartedly).... and i have finally realized that is not my dream of success. in italy, i came to realize that i would be much much happier working to live rather than living to work. completely different views on work and life and love in italy vs where i've grown up in the usa. having seen this cultural exchange, i now need to design my own personalized view on work and life and love as to be true to myself.

junk in the trunk

just stumbled upon this guy on flickr who cuts up magazines and makes postcards and thought they were pretty good. [here's the website]

...

mi amiga favorita

"swine flu!" says pooh.

my favorite piglet, jacqueline weidman, is currently running wild in ecuador (actually she's working with manna project international) but still... she's having a blast in ecuador, although i miss her terribly. so this post is dedicated to my long-lost lover, jackie!

i love this girl.

trish, jackie, and i--spwing bweak style

oh, how i long for our sweet embraces!

"man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore."
- andre gide

i'm so proud of jackie for discovering new oceans within herself and throughout the world. keep up the good work, doll! and for anyone whose interested, check out Manna Project Int'l to get involved.

lamebook

duhhhhh!!!

[click photo to enlarge]

dishonest people believe in words rather than reality

one of the most constant and powerful things i have experienced within myself is the desire to be more than i am at the moment -- an unwillingness to let myself remain where i am -- a desire to increase the boundaries of myself -- a desire to do more, learn more, express more -- a desire to grow, improve, accomplish, expand.

i used to interpret this inner push as meaning that there was some one thing out there i wanted to do or be or have. and i have spent too much of my life trying to find it. but i now know that this energy within me is seeking more than the mate or the profession or the religion, more even than pleasure or power or meaning. it is seeking out more of me; or better, it is, thank god, flushing out more of me.

h.p.

my struggle to become a person

[picture i took in lima, peru overlooking the pacific ocean]

i am convinced that this anxiety running through my life is the tension between what i "should be" and what i am. my anxiety does not come from thinking about the future but from wanting to control it. it seems to begin whenever i smuggle an "i want to become" into my mind. it is the tension between my desire to control what i will be and the recognition that i can't. "i will be what i will be"--where is the anxiety in that? anxiety is the realization that i might not reach the rung on the opinion-ladder which i have just set for myself. i fear death most when i am about to exceed what others expect of me; then death threatens to cut me off from myself, because "myself" is not yet.

i can not "make my mark" for all time--those concepts are mutually exclusive. "lasting effect" is a self-contradictory term. meaning does not exist in the future and neither do i. nothing will have meaning "ultimately." nothing will even mean tomorrow what it did today. meaning changes with the context. my meaningfulness is here. it is enough that i am of value to someone today. it is enough that i make a difference now.

Notes to Myself - Hugh Prather...read this book

cute and clever

Fred & Friends products are so creative!

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